I used to measure my health, fitness and lifestyle goals against unrealistic standards set by others. I followed society’s rules and industry norms on what I should be doing, what I should be eating, how well I should be performing, how hard I should be training and what I ‘should’ (or should not) look like as a woman.
Not only is this an exhausting, confusing, soul-destroying and, quite frankly, damaging way to live (on so many levels), it’s almost impossible to sustain for any healthy length of time without burning out, getting injured, feeling like a failure or depleting your body or mind in ways you never intended.*
When I talk to clients, male and female, about their health and fitness goals, their answers often sound like: “I want to lose x amount of weight, I want to build more muscle, lift heavier, look and feel more toned…” My question back to them is always, “Why”?
Why do you want to lose weight?
Why do you want more muscle?
Why do you want to lift heavy?
And more importantly, “what does success look and feel like for YOU“?
While these goals can be useful measures of progress to some degree, I’ve seen far too many people (myself included) become fixated on smashing PBs, exceeding their weight-loss targets, making unrealistic comparisons with others, overtraining and following restrictive or trending diets.
The problem with goals built around societal, industry and ‘influencer’ standards of what it means to be fit, strong, fast, powerful, lean, beautiful, sexy, macho, feminine, competitive is what happens to our ‘progress’ or feelings of success when what we see and what we experience don’t match the expectations of what we’re told.
This is often when we, myself included (again), feel disheartened, fatigued and frustrated, especially around weight-loss, body composition ideals, or muscle size. We tend to get injured more, burn out quicker and feel like a failure, especially when our progress plateaus, or we stop training altogether and slide back into old habits.
It’s worth knowing this is a completely natural process, and it happens to most people, professional athletes included, at various points in their lives.
I’ve learned from my own experience that what keeps ‘me’ and others committed to working on their health, fitness and lifestyle goals long-term isn’t the few extra pounds of fat lost or the muscle gained (although that does feel good for a few weeks). It’s something far more human and humbling.
When I changed my relationship with my own health, fitness and lifestyle goals a few years ago, I started noticing that the stronger I felt in my body and mind, the less pain I was in; and the less pain I was in, the more mobile I was, and the more mobile I was, the more I could do — and enjoy doing.
Instead of chasing PBs, restricting my diet, comparing myself to a younger version of myself or to others… I now know
- when to push myself at the gym, and when to take it easy;
- how to nourish myself properly so I have the energy and resources I need to keep my health in balance;
- when and how to prioritise rest and recovery and fully replenish my energy store.
I’ve started treating myself with grace when I feel tired or low energy; celebrating the mightiest and the tiniest of successes along the way, and showing up for myself, my family and my friends in a way that can feel calm, fun, messy, organised, annoyed, sad, happy
I coach my clients to adopt a more accessible, personalised, and sustainable approach to feeling stronger, calmer and healthier in their body and mind.
I encourage you to be curious about what’s actually motivating you to invest in your health and wellbeing, and notice the signs, feelings, or signals you need to feel empowered in your own body.
You may have already felt it yourself – that moment when you truly appreciate and feel gratitude for what your body and mind can do, once you start noticing and providing your body with what it needs to thrive.
For me, it’s feeling properly nourished, rested and strong enough to play football, cycle, hike, kayak, paddleboard, climb, or zipline through the French mountains with my two teenage daughters. Maintaining my muscle strength, bone health, good nutrition, sleep and heart health year-round is essential to what makes these experiences fun, enjoyable and possible.
Your health, fitness and lifestyle goals will look different to mine; maybe you
- want to go skiing every year until you’re 90,
- run your first marathon at 50,
- play a sport you loved as a teenager,
- explore the coral reefs,
- start a business,
- get married,
- start a family,
- chase your children or grandchildren around the park,
- live pain-free for more days than not.
Focusing on what you love doing, what you aspire to do, and how you want to feel is a far more powerful and rewarding measure of progress than a number on a scale.
Once you shift your focus toward how strong and well you feel, and trust what your amazing body can do, everything else starts to follow: the more you move, the more consciously you eat and drink, and the more you prioritise rest and recovery, the better you’ll feel and show up in every part of your life.
*Red flag in women’s health: Moderate exercise, a balanced nutritious diet, appropriate rest and decent sleep all help to promote and support healthy menstrual cycles in women. However, if you are a healthy woman with regular periods, experiencing a decline in the frequency, quality or ‘unusual’ disappearance of your period for 3 or more months during your fertile years (age 13-47), this can indicate a potential health problem.
Seek professional medical advice to rule out any underlying health conditions if you are experiencing missed periods and think they could be caused by your current training or nutrition plan, before talking to your personal trainer or nutritional practitioner to assess and adjust your plan.
